We really are just two normal people who decided to become foster/adoptive parents. Seriously….we’re like…completely normal. We’re gainfully employed. We have friends. We’re not super religious. We probably drink too much wine sometimes. We accidentally swear in front of the children (or forget to tune to a non-explicit Spotify station). You know, the usual stuff. It’s all pretty vanilla.
So why are we here?
It took us a long time to decide to become foster parents. A really, REALLY, long time. And during that time, I read and listened to everything I could find about foster parenting and adopting from foster care. And I am so happy I did. The knowledge and information I gained is invaluable now. Tim and Wendy from the Foster Parenting Podcast and Adam and Matt from the Foster Adoption Podcast were my mentors and Dr. Bruce Perry and Dr. Karen Purvis were my teachers as I learned to speak the lingo of “attachment,” “trauma,” “nuerosequential development,” and “felt safety.” I read countless blogs, articles, and books.
But in all my research, there was one perspective that I craved but found a little harder to find. I call it, the “We Fostered An Older Child And It Didn’t Destroy Our Life” perspective. Sure, there was the occasional older child foster care story that wasn’t profoundly terrifying. But for the most part, it was difficult to find success stories with children over the age of five. I find that on the inter webs, people tend to share horror stories.
And everyone knows of that horror story from their neighbor’s cousin’s co-worker’s best friend who fostered an eight year old who tried to kill the family Chihuahua. And its usually the first thing they tell you about when they learn you are becoming a foster parent.
So I want to give back.
Another reason I wanted to start this blog is that once we became foster parents, I realized just how many stereotypes people have in their heads about foster parents as well as the foster children. (And let’s be real…I’m sure a lot of them are true). When they find out we are foster parents, so many people are completely shocked that we aren’t selfish assholes who are just signed up to get a cut of that cold hard foster care cash; or saintly religious fanatics that home school our 17 children and don’t own a television. Some are shocked we can be foster parents and both work outside of the home.
Mostly though, when they find out we are foster parents, people just want to know what it’s like. I learned that so many people have considered foster care and adopting through foster care. They want to know the real story to find out if it might be something they can do too.
I also want to dispel some rumors. You can be a foster parent and still be a normal, fun person with a career and hobbies who goes to happy hour with friends. It is possible.
And who are we exactly?
I’m an attorney and my husband is a college mathematics lecturer. We’ve been married almost 11 years. Yes – I am intentionally not using our real names. We have one foster child, an eight year old boy we call “Batman.” Since this is a public space, we are keeping our identities private in order to protect our foster-son. If you know us in real life, give us a hand and don’t out us.
And just so we’re clear, our story may also turn out to be profoundly terrifying. There are no guarantees with foster care blogs just like there are no guarantees in foster care.